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Thursday, September 24, 2009

Paradox

Today as I was walking down State Street I passed a mom carrying a very young, very little baby.


And I got a pang in my heart.


Little Ricky is only 3 months old, but he has already changed so much. As we all saw in the Monthly Pictures post, he has definitely changed in the size department. But it's not just that. Every day he is a new child, learning more, doing more.


And it's exciting.


And it's sad.


I look back at the totally dependent, tiny baby I brought home from the hospital and it seems like a completely different baby. What happened to my cuddly little guy who needed me every second? In his place, I have a wiggle-worm who is always trying to climb over my shoulder when I hold him and loves sitting in his Bumbo seat playing with his toys.


Obviously he still needs me, but now he's perfectly content entertaining himself for short periods of time.


In a way I'm thrilled. (You mean I can eat breakfast now??)


But I'm also sad.


I now understand what everyone meant when they told me "it goes so fast." It's only been 3 months, but it's been a whirlwind! And I wonder when it's going to stop. At what point will Little Ricky stop changing, stop surprising me, stop becoming someone new overnight? High school? College? Never?


Each morning when I get him out of bed, I'm so happy to see his smiling face and learn who he is today. But I also miss the baby I put to bed the night before.


I suppose I'm learning that great paradox of motherhood.


I love who he is, but I miss who he was.

9 comments:

Jess Noel said...

This made me cry.

Mighty M said...

So sweet - yes they do grow and change way too quickly.

Bobby said...

Tell me about it...Sabrina turned 5 months last week...where is the time going??

Contemplations of an Army Wife said...

I know it's hard...when it gets you really down, just remember how much you love breakfast, too. It's a small gimme for such a heavy feeling.

injaynesworld said...

I have no children, but so as not to feel left out here, I feel the same way about puppies. Seriously, the day the puppy breath goes, I'm devastated. I console myself by focusing on the strides we made in housebreaking. Your son is adorable.

Nanny Dee said...

What a beautiful post -- you put into words what many mothers feel but can't express.

It's true that there is always a new phase, but each one has it's own joys (except for maybe a few during the teenage years). :D

I guess that's the reason many parents look forward to having another baby in the house someday!

When you get a chance, please stop by to pick up a Lovely Blog Award I have for you, because you do indeed have a lovely blog:

http://newenglandnanny.blogspot.com/2009/09/walking-red-carpet.html

BPOTW said...

Digital images are the greatest when trying to explain how they have grown!

tiffany said...

ah! This made me cry, too! My little one was JUST BORN yesterday. Well, actually 9 weeks ago, but that's practically yesterday, right?...only that's enough time for her to be a completely different baby. She's getting more fun, but looking at her pictures from just a handful of weeks ago makes me weepy because I miss that teeny tiny bean!

Mary at Deep South Dish said...

Awww... I take it this is your first? It does go by fast, before you know it they are grown, getting married and having babies of their own and you wonder where the heck did the time go?? Just remember above all else, family first, time with kids first, and raise him to be a good man.

Happy SITS Saturday Sharefest!!