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Friday, February 5, 2010

Who Do You Love More?

A couple of years ago I watched an episode of Oprah where this mom stirred up all sorts of controversy when she said she loved her husband more than her kids. She didn't say that she DIDN'T love her kids, just that she loved her husband more and that she thought in the long run this was best for her kids. She was showing them a loving relationship, teaching them the world wasn't all about them, etc.

Well, you should have seen the other mommies get up in arms over this! There were some women who backed her, but what I remember (and it has been a while, so I could be off on this) was that the majority of women who commented felt she was completely wrong and basically accused her of being a bad mom.

At the time I didn't have kids and the prospects were a little dim, but I do remember thinking "what's the big deal?"

You love your kids more? Great! You love your husband more? Great. As long as everyone is getting some love do we really have to measure it?

I also kind of thought if I ever did have a kiddo I might be one of those "love my husband more" ladies too. Ricky and I have always been very close and people have always teased us about acting like newlyweds long after we weren't anymore.

And then I had Little Ricky and I fell completely head over heels in love. On a daily basis I tell him he is the love of my life.


That doesn't mean Ricky is NOT the love of my life anymore.

What I now know (for me at least) is that there is no "who do you love more?"

Yes, Ricky is the love of my life...as my husband.

Yes, Little Ricky is the love of my life...as my child.

They are 2 completely different loves. I can adore one without it taking away from the other.

So, Moms, tell me your thoughts on this? Who do YOU love more?


SoMi's Nilsa said...

I love that you're able to differentiate between the two. Should I ever be a mom, I think I'll fall inline with you. Think, being the key word there. =)

Teri said...

I agree that you can't at all compare the two. I love them both but my kids NEED me more right now because there is so much they can't do or know for themselves yet.

Bobby said...

I also loved her husband more. LOL.

injaynesworld said...

Never had a husband. Never had children. But I think I'd still choose the dog.

Anna said...

Obvs, you know I don't have a kid yet. But I don't understand why making the choice? They're two different loves. And like you said, why do we need to measure it? Can't you just love without turning it into a competition? Totally aree with your answer.

Cassie said...

Like you, I think they are two different loves. However, I think that b/c my son is still at an age where he literally cannot take care of himself, he gets more of the love and attention. So maybe that makes it seem like I love him more?

Lucy said...

Those of you who mentioned your kids needing you more--I agree. Obviously Little Ricky gets more of my time and attention right now, but that doesn't negate my love for Ricky. The women on Oprah, however, kept saying "need" too but made it clear that they loved the kids more. I don't get it, but what I really don't get is why it matters to one mom how another mom loves. Some of the mommies out there are scary, aren't they??

And Bobby, you're awful! And that's why I like you!

Thanks for all the great comments!