Home      About Me      What Lucy and Little Ricky Are Reading      Reviews      Contact


Tuesday, July 6, 2010

Floundering

Now that I've been a mom for a little over a year, you'd think I would have learned a lot.

And I have.

But the lesson I keep learning, that nails me in the face over and over and over?

This shit is HARD!

I adore my son and love being his mommy, but I am having a hard time balancing being his mom with being all of the other people I am and want to be.

I feel like I can be super-mom or super-wife or super-me, but I can't be all three and rarely can I even overlap two successfully.

An example--for the holiday weekend I decided to forgo my to-do list and unplug somewhat and just focus on my two Ricky's. We played, we went to story time and lunch with friends, we took walks, we napped together--it was an awesome weekend.

But now I have a a to-do list that has been ignored and is now even longer. I have posts I want/need to write for this blog, for DuPage Mamas, for Chicagonista. I have NINETY FIVE emails to wade through. Most of them are crap, but I still have to make my way through them. I have my Macaroni Kids newsletter to get out.

And all of this is stuff I want to do (well, maybe not the 95 emails!), but how do I do all of that and not take time away from the Ricky's?

I'm making it work right now by focusing on my kiddo all day. When he naps, I do laundry, I answer a few emails, I quickly blog (this is when Wordless Wednesday and all those other short posts get done!). Once my husband gets home from work we usually take a walk, do dinner, give Little Ricky a bath and put him to bed. And then I sit back down at the computer and get back to work on that to-do list.

So I'm managing it without neglecting my child, but I'm kind of neglecting my husband. I'm "lucky" (not sure if that's the right word!) that he has a busy job so lots of times he is on his computer at night too. So at least he's not sitting on the couch twiddling his thumbs while I ignore him. And he's super-supportive of all of the things on my plate.

But still.

This isn't what I want our marriage to look like. This isn't what I want my life to look like. Scrambling from one task to the next, never feeling caught up, dropping at least one ball a day.

And I know the advice many of you will give is to cut back on the writing or let the chores slide. And I do a little. But when I let that stuff go too much it wears on me. And then I feel like I've let myself slide. These are the things I do for ME.

And I get that now that I'm a mom I can't always do for me. But I also don't think it's good to completely lose myself in being a mom.

So where's the answer? IS there an answer? Or should I just get used to being frazzled? To having a to-do list that never ends? To spending an hour or 2 a day with my husband before we both go back to our respective computers?

C'mon, moms! Help a girl out!

P.S. Don't forget to enter to win an iGo Charge Anywhere!

blog comments powered by Disqus